I wrote out my birth story in patches while I was in the hospital. It gave me something to do while I had to be away from my sweet baby. It is rough and raw, but I'm glad I wrote down a few things.
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33 weeks 3 days and 4 days-July 7th. I woke up around 6am because I just couldn’t sleep very well. Around 730 I got out of bed to cook breakfast (Migas-yum :). I was at the stove when I felt a gush of fluid quickly come down my leg. I went to check in out and immediately worried about it being amniotic fluid, as there was also some blood. However I didn’t want to be an alarmist, and figured it also could be regular discharge. I felt bad to call our OB on Sunday (I don’t know why. I should have called earlier. Though it all turned out). I decided to monitor on my own for awhile, and stayed home from church to just rest. Job went and took a friend to church, but came home early to check on me. I continued to put it off, but around 530pm I really felt I should just call and check if I should come in tonight or just wait until Monday morning. Job was also very encouraging that I should call all day, and I appreciate him pushing me to do it. Dr. Hardiman was lovely, and decided from my symptoms that we should just give it a check. She said it Certainly could be discharge or something not serious, but she didn’t feel comfortable waiting to check. We met her at mount Auburn, and she did the 3 part check to see if it was amniotic fluid, and it was. She also did an ultrasound. It just all sunk in at that moment, and I was shocked. My water had broken. The more she explained things the more worried and in shock I became. Because we weren’t yet to 34 weeks (update-- not even to 33 weeks we found out), mount Auburn couldn’t keep us as the nursery/NICU isn’t equipped for babies that small/early. They explained I needed to be transported by ambulance to Beth Israel, and that I could have the baby anytime. They quickly started steroids to help your lungs baby, as well as antibiotics to help prevent infection. I cried a bit. I was overwhelmed. Everything was changing in a minute, and there was no lead up or warning. My whole plan for how I thought and wanted birth to go was crumbling, and I was so worried about your health coming early like this. Job was amazing through this. I know he was worried and stressed too, but he calmed me down and assured me things would be fine. He was incredible, and my rock.
The ambulance came and we had an uneventful ride to BI (the EMS gals were fun and telling me stories along the way). Once we got here I was hooked back up monitors to see how you were doing. Your heart rate was great the hours we were there. I was having contractions about every 2 minutes, but didn’t really feel them. They did another amniotic fluid check, another little ultrasound, and blood work. Job gave me a blessing, which was just what I needed.
Finally around 230am they transferred me to a room on antepartum floor, so Job and I could try to get a little bit of sleep. I tried to get a few hours, and it was nice. Nurses still had to come in for meds and checks, but no more constant monitor, so a lot more comfortable. In the morning we had several doctors come in to talk to us (teaching hospital, so always residents, students, fellows, etc). They explained the general plan, which was to try and last until 34 weeks, then induce. I asked about waiting longer if no action, but they felt it was not the best option/safest. Of course, different doctors say different things, so we will see, but I want to do what is best for my sweet son. That is 100% my priority. We also got an ultrasound today where they measured everything carefully and checked the amniotic fluid. The best part was that they took some 3D photos of your face, and they turned out so beautifully
you are such a beautiful boy! It was a highlight to get a glimpse of the face we are going to meet soon. Your perfect pouty lips, sweet nose, little had on your cheek-it’s all just perfect. I can’t stop looking at you. We hung the photos up in our room to keep us going.
The neonatologist also came today, and explained what may happen when you are born. Basically it will depend on how you do, but you may need a lot of support. You may also be doing just fine on your own! Which I hope. But it was good to brace ourselves for many different things that could come, and a potentially long NiCu stay. Either way you will be there for a week at least. Which makes me sad, but I am happy we are in the best city with the best hospitals to care for you. That gives me a lot of peace. Things might not be happening “perfectly” by the book or my plan, but this is your story and it is happening how your father in heaven and you have planned. We are here for it.
Ryan Murphy came and he and Job gave me a blessing with an anointing. It was very special, and brought such peace. Ryan is a special friend, and it was really wonderful to have him come and bring his kindness and special spirit.
So, 2 days down, and we are taking it all as it comes
Week 33 and 5 days-
Things have been looking good as far as no strong signs of baby come now. But that does mean that I will be induced on Thursday (34 weeks). I tried to discuss pushing this out, but the doctors do feel that waiting would not be beneficial for baby, and that 34 weeks is a good time to proceed. So here we are! I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything, but I also feel at peace overall. I’m still going to try and have aspects of the birth I hoped, just with some key differences. They support trying a vaginal, natural birth, so that’s what I’ll plan for. I’m open to whatever may happen, as the early date does change things. I just want sweet Aksel to be safe and healthy.
33 weeks 3 days and 4 days-July 7th. I woke up around 6am because I just couldn’t sleep very well. Around 730 I got out of bed to cook breakfast (Migas-yum :). I was at the stove when I felt a gush of fluid quickly come down my leg. I went to check in out and immediately worried about it being amniotic fluid, as there was also some blood. However I didn’t want to be an alarmist, and figured it also could be regular discharge. I felt bad to call our OB on Sunday (I don’t know why. I should have called earlier. Though it all turned out). I decided to monitor on my own for awhile, and stayed home from church to just rest. Job went and took a friend to church, but came home early to check on me. I continued to put it off, but around 530pm I really felt I should just call and check if I should come in tonight or just wait until Monday morning. Job was also very encouraging that I should call all day, and I appreciate him pushing me to do it. Dr. Hardiman was lovely, and decided from my symptoms that we should just give it a check. She said it Certainly could be discharge or something not serious, but she didn’t feel comfortable waiting to check. We met her at mount Auburn, and she did the 3 part check to see if it was amniotic fluid, and it was. She also did an ultrasound. It just all sunk in at that moment, and I was shocked. My water had broken. The more she explained things the more worried and in shock I became. Because we weren’t yet to 34 weeks (update-- not even to 33 weeks we found out), mount Auburn couldn’t keep us as the nursery/NICU isn’t equipped for babies that small/early. They explained I needed to be transported by ambulance to Beth Israel, and that I could have the baby anytime. They quickly started steroids to help your lungs baby, as well as antibiotics to help prevent infection. I cried a bit. I was overwhelmed. Everything was changing in a minute, and there was no lead up or warning. My whole plan for how I thought and wanted birth to go was crumbling, and I was so worried about your health coming early like this. Job was amazing through this. I know he was worried and stressed too, but he calmed me down and assured me things would be fine. He was incredible, and my rock.
The ambulance came and we had an uneventful ride to BI (the EMS gals were fun and telling me stories along the way). Once we got here I was hooked back up monitors to see how you were doing. Your heart rate was great the hours we were there. I was having contractions about every 2 minutes, but didn’t really feel them. They did another amniotic fluid check, another little ultrasound, and blood work. Job gave me a blessing, which was just what I needed.
Finally around 230am they transferred me to a room on antepartum floor, so Job and I could try to get a little bit of sleep. I tried to get a few hours, and it was nice. Nurses still had to come in for meds and checks, but no more constant monitor, so a lot more comfortable. In the morning we had several doctors come in to talk to us (teaching hospital, so always residents, students, fellows, etc). They explained the general plan, which was to try and last until 34 weeks, then induce. I asked about waiting longer if no action, but they felt it was not the best option/safest. Of course, different doctors say different things, so we will see, but I want to do what is best for my sweet son. That is 100% my priority. We also got an ultrasound today where they measured everything carefully and checked the amniotic fluid. The best part was that they took some 3D photos of your face, and they turned out so beautifully
The neonatologist also came today, and explained what may happen when you are born. Basically it will depend on how you do, but you may need a lot of support. You may also be doing just fine on your own! Which I hope. But it was good to brace ourselves for many different things that could come, and a potentially long NiCu stay. Either way you will be there for a week at least. Which makes me sad, but I am happy we are in the best city with the best hospitals to care for you. That gives me a lot of peace. Things might not be happening “perfectly” by the book or my plan, but this is your story and it is happening how your father in heaven and you have planned. We are here for it.
Ryan Murphy came and he and Job gave me a blessing with an anointing. It was very special, and brought such peace. Ryan is a special friend, and it was really wonderful to have him come and bring his kindness and special spirit.
So, 2 days down, and we are taking it all as it comes
Week 33 and 5 days-
Things have been looking good as far as no strong signs of baby come now. But that does mean that I will be induced on Thursday (34 weeks). I tried to discuss pushing this out, but the doctors do feel that waiting would not be beneficial for baby, and that 34 weeks is a good time to proceed. So here we are! I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything, but I also feel at peace overall. I’m still going to try and have aspects of the birth I hoped, just with some key differences. They support trying a vaginal, natural birth, so that’s what I’ll plan for. I’m open to whatever may happen, as the early date does change things. I just want sweet Aksel to be safe and healthy.
***Note: I actually was 32 weeks at this point, and Aksel was born at 33 weeks. They didn't update the weeks on the record, but the doctors said that based on my conception, and his size, they were "off" by at least a week.
Week 33 6 days-
More monitoring, more waiting. We got a date and time for induction-8am tomorrow morning! Job and I have been trying to just enjoy these last days of just us, and we got yummy Thai take out for our “last dinner” ;) more doctors to meet, as a new group come through each day. We have really liked our nurses here. We got to enjoy a little walk outside, which felt so good.
Week 34- induction day! They got us back to the observation room around 9, and started the pitocin. The contractions where about every 2-3 minutes, but minor so I didn’t feel much. After about 8 hours in a little observation room, we were able to be moved to a labor and delivery room. We settled in for the night, as things were moving, but pretty slowly.
Week 34 1 day (*33 weeks 1 day)- we got a little bit of sleep, and I woke up early to just work through some things. Both contractions, and mentally. I was really tired, and knew that I still had quite the road ahead. Job and I talked about the stages of labor, and what we planned for that. Another NICU provider came in to talk to us, and we learned that Aksel May be able to be transferred to mount Auburn hospital once he is stronger, which would be nice.
During my soul searching, I decided that I would be more open to an epidural. None of the process is how I planned it, and has already been a little bit traumatic, so I decided that if an elidural might help me, and Job, avoid some trauma with this birth and have a more positive experience, I would go for that. I didn’t owe it to anyone to stick to my original plans; because none of my original plans were happening. Being induced, constantly on a monitor, laboring at hospital instead of home, very early, pitocin running, etc all changed things for me, so I needed to chance my expectations. I felt peace with the decision, and happy i was kind to myself.
Contentions continued all morning, and I was checked a few times. 5am was 2cm and not effaced, and then around 10am was 3cm and more effaced. At that time they felt a forebag or fluid that they felt might be hindering things, so they broke it. I was amazed at how quick that changed things. Almost immediately my body kicked into high gear. The contractions started to become constant, and incredibly painful. I couldn’t get any relief no ebb and flow anymore-just constant pain) and was vomiting from the pain. I knew I didn’t want to continue on like that; it was too much, no relief, and all at once. I asked the nurse to page for the epidural team, and we got that process started. The contractions continued strongly through the procedure which was tricky, but I was able to sit still enough that they got it. I also got zofran which calmed the nausea/vomiting.
Once the epidural was in, it slowly gave some relief in the form of shorter contractions (instead of the near constant ones I was having). I also realized just how exhausted my body was st that point, and was able to rest. I only got a few minutes of real relief though, because very quickly, I started to feel a lot more pain lower down. I could tell things were happening, and quick. The doctor came in to check on how things were progressing, and she immediately said “page the nicu team, we are having a baby now”. She could see him-he was coming! She asked if I could wait to push for a minute, which I did. But once the team had assembled, I started pushing, and we just did about 4 or 5 cycles of 3 pushes and he was here! Elsie the nurse, and Job both held my legs, and Job watched the whole thing. They also had me feel his head a few times during pushing to see how he was progressing. Once he slipped out, I just burst into happy tears! It was an incredible experience, and one that will stay with me. The room felt like a holy place at that moment, and I felt heaven so near. They let the cord pulse for a little while, and out him on my stomach, but then pretty quickly had Job cut the cord, and went over to the isolate to be checked by the nicu team. But he was crying and had great color. They only had him for a few minutes then wrapped him and let me hold him on his chest for just a minute. I got to kiss his sweet face, but then they had to take him to the nicu for the rest of the testing and assessment. It was heart wrenching to have him go. But Job went right with him. I had internal tearing, so they stitched me up for a long time (another time I was glad for the epidural) then I had a little hemorrhage, so they had to give me meds to stop that, then the hemorrhage popped the stitches, so they had to re-do them... I was being worked on for a while. But it was ok, because I just had my baby, and was so happy and relieved.
After my recovery period, they wheeled me down to the NICU to see Aksel. He was in the isolette, and his eyes were open and alert. He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen, and he is ours. As much as I want him to be home with us immediately, I am grateful for a team of doctors and nurses who are caring for him and keeping him safe.
I got to hold him skin to skin, and he was so calm and cuddly. It was the best feeling to be able to hold him. I was sad I couldn’t right away after birth, but glad they were keeping him safe.
Then 4 weeks in the NICU followed! I got two spinal headaches, two blood patches. Aksel transferred to Mount Auburn per our request so he was close. We walked over many times a day to feed and hold him.
More updates on life since then to come, but I wanted to get this all down to record this special time.
Week 33 6 days-
More monitoring, more waiting. We got a date and time for induction-8am tomorrow morning! Job and I have been trying to just enjoy these last days of just us, and we got yummy Thai take out for our “last dinner” ;) more doctors to meet, as a new group come through each day. We have really liked our nurses here. We got to enjoy a little walk outside, which felt so good.
Week 34- induction day! They got us back to the observation room around 9, and started the pitocin. The contractions where about every 2-3 minutes, but minor so I didn’t feel much. After about 8 hours in a little observation room, we were able to be moved to a labor and delivery room. We settled in for the night, as things were moving, but pretty slowly.
Week 34 1 day (*33 weeks 1 day)- we got a little bit of sleep, and I woke up early to just work through some things. Both contractions, and mentally. I was really tired, and knew that I still had quite the road ahead. Job and I talked about the stages of labor, and what we planned for that. Another NICU provider came in to talk to us, and we learned that Aksel May be able to be transferred to mount Auburn hospital once he is stronger, which would be nice.
During my soul searching, I decided that I would be more open to an epidural. None of the process is how I planned it, and has already been a little bit traumatic, so I decided that if an elidural might help me, and Job, avoid some trauma with this birth and have a more positive experience, I would go for that. I didn’t owe it to anyone to stick to my original plans; because none of my original plans were happening. Being induced, constantly on a monitor, laboring at hospital instead of home, very early, pitocin running, etc all changed things for me, so I needed to chance my expectations. I felt peace with the decision, and happy i was kind to myself.
Contentions continued all morning, and I was checked a few times. 5am was 2cm and not effaced, and then around 10am was 3cm and more effaced. At that time they felt a forebag or fluid that they felt might be hindering things, so they broke it. I was amazed at how quick that changed things. Almost immediately my body kicked into high gear. The contractions started to become constant, and incredibly painful. I couldn’t get any relief no ebb and flow anymore-just constant pain) and was vomiting from the pain. I knew I didn’t want to continue on like that; it was too much, no relief, and all at once. I asked the nurse to page for the epidural team, and we got that process started. The contractions continued strongly through the procedure which was tricky, but I was able to sit still enough that they got it. I also got zofran which calmed the nausea/vomiting.
Once the epidural was in, it slowly gave some relief in the form of shorter contractions (instead of the near constant ones I was having). I also realized just how exhausted my body was st that point, and was able to rest. I only got a few minutes of real relief though, because very quickly, I started to feel a lot more pain lower down. I could tell things were happening, and quick. The doctor came in to check on how things were progressing, and she immediately said “page the nicu team, we are having a baby now”. She could see him-he was coming! She asked if I could wait to push for a minute, which I did. But once the team had assembled, I started pushing, and we just did about 4 or 5 cycles of 3 pushes and he was here! Elsie the nurse, and Job both held my legs, and Job watched the whole thing. They also had me feel his head a few times during pushing to see how he was progressing. Once he slipped out, I just burst into happy tears! It was an incredible experience, and one that will stay with me. The room felt like a holy place at that moment, and I felt heaven so near. They let the cord pulse for a little while, and out him on my stomach, but then pretty quickly had Job cut the cord, and went over to the isolate to be checked by the nicu team. But he was crying and had great color. They only had him for a few minutes then wrapped him and let me hold him on his chest for just a minute. I got to kiss his sweet face, but then they had to take him to the nicu for the rest of the testing and assessment. It was heart wrenching to have him go. But Job went right with him. I had internal tearing, so they stitched me up for a long time (another time I was glad for the epidural) then I had a little hemorrhage, so they had to give me meds to stop that, then the hemorrhage popped the stitches, so they had to re-do them... I was being worked on for a while. But it was ok, because I just had my baby, and was so happy and relieved.
After my recovery period, they wheeled me down to the NICU to see Aksel. He was in the isolette, and his eyes were open and alert. He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen, and he is ours. As much as I want him to be home with us immediately, I am grateful for a team of doctors and nurses who are caring for him and keeping him safe.
I got to hold him skin to skin, and he was so calm and cuddly. It was the best feeling to be able to hold him. I was sad I couldn’t right away after birth, but glad they were keeping him safe.
Then 4 weeks in the NICU followed! I got two spinal headaches, two blood patches. Aksel transferred to Mount Auburn per our request so he was close. We walked over many times a day to feed and hold him.
More updates on life since then to come, but I wanted to get this all down to record this special time.
