Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Birth Story Journal Entry

I wrote out my birth story in patches while I was in the hospital. It gave me something to do while I had to be away from my sweet baby. It is rough and raw, but I'm glad I wrote down a few things.

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33 weeks 3 days and 4 days-July 7th. I woke up around 6am because I just couldn’t sleep very well. Around 730 I got out of bed to cook breakfast (Migas-yum :). I was at the stove when I felt a gush of fluid quickly come down my leg. I went to check in out and immediately worried about it being amniotic fluid, as there was also some blood. However I didn’t want to be an alarmist, and figured it also could be regular discharge. I felt bad to call our OB on Sunday (I don’t know why. I should have called earlier. Though it all turned out). I decided to monitor on my own for awhile, and stayed home from church to just rest. Job went and took a friend to church, but came home early to check on me. I continued to put it off, but around 530pm I really felt I should just call and check if I should come in tonight or just wait until Monday morning. Job was also very encouraging that I should call all day, and I appreciate him pushing me to do it. Dr. Hardiman was lovely, and decided from my symptoms that we should just give it a check. She said it Certainly could be discharge or something not serious, but she didn’t feel comfortable waiting to check. We met her at mount Auburn, and she did the 3 part check to see if it was amniotic fluid, and it was. She also did an ultrasound. It just all sunk in at that moment, and I was shocked. My water had broken. The more she explained things the more worried and in shock I became. Because we weren’t yet to 34 weeks (update-- not even to 33 weeks we found out), mount Auburn couldn’t keep us as the nursery/NICU isn’t equipped for babies that small/early. They explained I needed to be transported by ambulance to Beth Israel, and that I could have the baby anytime. They quickly started steroids to help your lungs baby, as well as antibiotics to help prevent infection. I cried a bit. I was overwhelmed. Everything was changing in a minute, and there was no lead up or warning. My whole plan for how I thought and wanted birth to go was crumbling, and I was so worried about your health coming early like this. Job was amazing through this. I know he was worried and stressed too, but he calmed me down and assured me things would be fine. He was incredible, and my rock.

The ambulance came and we had an uneventful ride to BI (the EMS gals were fun and telling me stories along the way). Once we got here I was hooked back up monitors to see how you were doing. Your heart rate was great the hours we were there. I was having contractions about every 2 minutes, but didn’t really feel them. They did another amniotic fluid check, another little ultrasound, and blood work. Job gave me a blessing, which was just what I needed.

Finally around 230am they transferred me to a room on antepartum floor, so Job and I could try to get a little bit of sleep. I tried to get a few hours, and it was nice. Nurses still had to come in for meds and checks, but no more constant monitor, so a lot more comfortable. In the morning we had several doctors come in to talk to us (teaching hospital, so always residents, students, fellows, etc). They explained the general plan, which was to try and last until 34 weeks, then induce. I asked about waiting longer if no action, but they felt it was not the best option/safest. Of course, different doctors say different things, so we will see, but I want to do what is best for my sweet son. That is 100% my priority. We also got an ultrasound today where they measured everything carefully and checked the amniotic fluid. The best part was that they took some 3D photos of your face, and they turned out so beautifully πŸ˜ you are such a beautiful boy! It was a highlight to get a glimpse of the face we are going to meet soon. Your perfect pouty lips, sweet nose, little had on your cheek-it’s all just perfect. I can’t stop looking at you. We hung the photos up in our room to keep us going.

The neonatologist also came today, and explained what may happen when you are born. Basically it will depend on how you do, but you may need a lot of support. You may also be doing just fine on your own! Which I hope. But it was good to brace ourselves for many different things that could come, and a potentially long NiCu stay. Either way you will be there for a week at least. Which makes me sad, but I am happy we are in the best city with the best hospitals to care for you. That gives me a lot of peace. Things might not be happening “perfectly” by the book or my plan, but this is your story and it is happening how your father in heaven and you have planned. We are here for it.

Ryan Murphy came and he and Job gave me a blessing with an anointing. It was very special, and brought such peace. Ryan is a special friend, and it was really wonderful to have him come and bring his kindness and special spirit.

So, 2 days down, and we are taking it all as it comes πŸ’™

Week 33 and 5 days-
Things have been looking good as far as no strong signs of baby come now. But that does mean that I will be induced on Thursday (34 weeks). I tried to discuss pushing this out, but the doctors do feel that waiting would not be beneficial for baby, and that 34 weeks is a good time to proceed. So here we are! I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything, but I also feel at peace overall. I’m still going to try and have aspects of the birth I hoped, just with some key differences. They support trying a vaginal, natural birth, so that’s what I’ll plan for. I’m open to whatever may happen, as the early date does change things. I just want sweet Aksel to be safe and healthy.
***Note: I actually was 32 weeks at this point, and Aksel was born at 33 weeks. They didn't update the weeks on the record, but the doctors said that based on my conception, and his size, they were "off" by at least a week.

Week 33 6 days-
More monitoring, more waiting. We got a date and time for induction-8am tomorrow morning! Job and I have been trying to just enjoy these last days of just us, and we got yummy Thai take out for our “last dinner” ;) more doctors to meet, as a new group come through each day. We have really liked our nurses here. We got to enjoy a little walk outside, which felt so good.

Week 34- induction day! They got us back to the observation room around 9, and started the pitocin. The contractions where about every 2-3 minutes, but minor so I didn’t feel much. After about 8 hours in a little observation room, we were able to be moved to a labor and delivery room. We settled in for the night, as things were moving, but pretty slowly.

Week 34 1 day (*33 weeks 1 day)- we got a little bit of sleep, and I woke up early to just work through some things. Both contractions, and mentally. I was really tired, and knew that I still had quite the road ahead. Job and I talked about the stages of labor, and what we planned for that. Another NICU provider came in to talk to us, and we learned that Aksel May be able to be transferred to mount Auburn hospital once he is stronger, which would be nice.
During my soul searching, I decided that I would be more open to an epidural. None of the process is how I planned it, and has already been a little bit traumatic, so I decided that if an elidural might help me, and Job, avoid some trauma with this birth and have a more positive experience, I would go for that. I didn’t owe it to anyone to stick to my original plans; because none of my original plans were happening. Being induced, constantly on a monitor, laboring at hospital instead of home, very early, pitocin running, etc all changed things for me, so I needed to chance my expectations. I felt peace with the decision, and happy i was kind to myself.
Contentions continued all morning, and I was checked a few times. 5am was 2cm and not effaced, and then around 10am was 3cm and more effaced. At that time they felt a forebag or fluid that they felt might be hindering things, so they broke it. I was amazed at how quick that changed things. Almost immediately my body kicked into high gear. The contractions started to become constant, and incredibly painful. I couldn’t get any relief no ebb and flow anymore-just constant pain) and was vomiting from the pain. I knew I didn’t want to continue on like that; it was too much, no relief, and all at once. I asked the nurse to page for the epidural team, and we got that process started. The contractions continued strongly through the procedure which was tricky, but I was able to sit still enough that they got it. I also got zofran which calmed the nausea/vomiting.
Once the epidural was in, it slowly gave some relief in the form of shorter contractions (instead of the near constant ones I was having). I also realized just how exhausted my body was st that point, and was able to rest. I only got a few minutes of real relief though, because very quickly, I started to feel a lot more pain lower down. I could tell things were happening, and quick. The doctor came in to check on how things were progressing, and she immediately said “page the nicu team, we are having a baby now”. She could see him-he was coming! She asked if I could wait to push for a minute, which I did. But once the team had assembled, I started pushing, and we just did about 4 or 5 cycles of 3 pushes and he was here! Elsie the nurse, and Job both held my legs, and Job watched the whole thing. They also had me feel his head a few times during pushing to see how he was progressing. Once he slipped out, I just burst into happy tears! It was an incredible experience, and one that will stay with me. The room felt like a holy place at that moment, and I felt heaven so near. They let the cord pulse for a little while, and out him on my stomach, but then pretty quickly had Job cut the cord, and went over to the isolate to be checked by the nicu team. But he was crying and had great color. They only had him for a few minutes then wrapped him and let me hold him on his chest for just a minute. I got to kiss his sweet face, but then they had to take him to the nicu for the rest of the testing and assessment. It was heart wrenching to have him go. But Job went right with him. I had internal tearing, so they stitched me up for a long time (another time I was glad for the epidural) then I had a little hemorrhage, so they had to give me meds to stop that, then the hemorrhage popped the stitches, so they had to re-do them... I was being worked on for a while. But it was ok, because I just had my baby, and was so happy and relieved.

After my recovery period, they wheeled me down to the NICU to see Aksel. He was in the isolette, and his eyes were open and alert. He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen, and he is ours. As much as I want him to be home with us immediately, I am grateful for a team of doctors and nurses who are caring for him and keeping him safe.

I got to hold him skin to skin, and he was so calm and cuddly. It was the best feeling to be able to hold him. I was sad I couldn’t right away after birth, but glad they were keeping him safe.

Then 4 weeks in the NICU followed! I got two spinal headaches, two blood patches. Aksel transferred to Mount Auburn per our request so he was close. We walked over many times a day to feed and hold him.

More updates on life since then to come, but I wanted to get this all down to record this special time. 

Pregnancy Journal

I kept little notes in my phone most weeks during my pregnancy. It was a fun and easy way to keep track of things. I also used Queepsake, and have entries there for each week, with some photos. I will try and add them here if I can transfer over. Will also try to add photos-because they are fun :) But I do have lots of update photos on instagram.
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January 5th- Week 6-pomegranate seed/Lentil
I found out you were here this week! I thought I had lost you in December, but then I started noticing little symptoms and took another test. Sure enough you were there holding on and I was so happy. I kept it a little secret for a while I tried to set up a doctors appointment, and figure out a way to tell your dad. He sensed I was pregnant in December before I knew it-he is very observant.


Week 7- things have been moving along well. Dad and I are having a hard time not telling everyone we see that we are expecting ;) I’ve had some light nausea, but nothing that keeps me from eating. In fact food has helped, and I certainly have a big appetite already ha. I’ve been taking it very easy lately, and not packing my days as I usually do. I’m too fatigued to do much else than go to work, come home and rest, repeat. I’m happy to be hibernating this January away just dreaming of you.

Week 8- threw up for the first time. Hopefully that won’t be a habit ;) the tiredness continues, and headaches, but otherwise feeling pretty well and excited. We got our first snow storm of the season this week, and everything looks pretty all coated. Craving spicy foods (since the beginning really), and just ate half a jar of spicy dill pickles for dinner one night ;) don’t worry, still eating a variety of good food to teach you our foodie ways (except the “off limits” list of course).

End of week 8–first doctors appointment!! We found out you are perhaps 10 weeks, though I still think maybe closer to 9 based on my careful calculations ;) We shall see at our ultrasound coming up :) we love the office we have chosen for care. They were very friendly, warm, and inviting. We got all our questions answered, which helped ease our anxious little hearts. Plus opened up lots of other questions. But hey, we have many months to learn. The best part of the visit wasssss—we heard your tiny, strong, amazing heartbeat. It was glorious, and gave us a lot of peace that you are ok. We celebrated with lunch at the diner before heading back to work. Such a happy morning.

Week 11-dad and I have continued to work extra hard all this month. We’ve been busy with work, so I’ve cut down on a lot of “extras” to save up the lots scraps of everything I have, to help you grow :) still not feeling too good, and all I want to eat are bagels and muffins ;) smells are horrible for the most part. I would do it again for you.

Week 12-First ultrasound. What a fun and exciting this to actually see you!! You were turning and moving around in there like crazy :) it was so sweet to see your little arms and legs, hear your heart again, and get your little profile picture to hang up on our fridge. We say hello to your photo very day now :)

Week 13-we went to Spain! We had this trip planned since before you were made, and luckily I was feeling good. Spain is a beautiful country, and after all the hard work we had done for the past two months or so, we were so ready for a break and to be together! Sadly we did get very sick on the trip for a few days, and papi had to go to the hospital. We were worried about you mostly. I think you are pretty tough though. Mamas tough too, so we made it through. We took a photos in front of big windmills with your ultrasound, as a way to share our news with the family when we returned.

Week 14-We told our families the news! Everyone was so excited and happy for us. We sent out an email card with the photo, and a little letter Announcing. And as we have known for a few months, Melia is having a baby in August too, so you will have a cousin just your age!

Week 15- I had a portrait commissioned of us, to announce the pregnancy. It turned out so sweet! I plan on hanging it above your crib. We haven’t shared it yet, since I am holding out telling people for a while longer.

Week 16-we met Dr. Hardiman. She is great, and we are so excited to have her help deliver you. It was nice to meet “the legend” ;) a lot of our friends have had babies at this hospital, and with Dr. Hardiman. Also, we happened to meet a good friend Allie Taylor in the clinic as she was leaving her appointment! She is very close to having her 5th baby. It was a fun surprise, and we got to share our news with her (can’t really hide it when you are in the OB office ;)

Week 18-boy have the days flown by!! Dad and I are getting more and more excited every day. We were going to wait and be surprised if you are a girl or boy when you come, but papi can not wait! He is just too excited to know. We will find out in a few weeks. I feel like you are growing so much, and I can’t suck in my little bump anymore ;) slowly Job tells more and more people. I still haven’t told many people. I am enjoying it just being me and you. It’s a sweet time.
Last night Job serenaded us with lullabies on his Violin. I think you liked it, and I definitely did.
He tells you good morning every day. And this morning we read together on our “bump” app like we normally do, about the progress you are making. We love you so much.

Week 19- got emotional watching an episode of property brothers, where the couple announced they were expecting. Um, I don’t even know them. But something about them talking about raising their baby in the house πŸ˜­

Week 20-We had the anatomy scan, and it was incredible! So sweet and special to see every little organ, bones, hands and feet, heart pumping and...to find out you are a boy!! Job really wanted to find out, and I am so glad we did. As soon as I heard boy, I cried tears of joy. It just feels so right to have you be joining our family right now. And I’m so happy that everything looks 100% healthy and happy! That’s all I really want for you.

Week 21- we shared “generally” on Instagram this week, with the sweet art we had made to announce the pregnancy. It’s fun to have more people know now, and I definitely can hide it any longer. The baby bump is out in full force this week.

Week 22-some nausea is returning, but mostly in the evening. Everyone has been so supportive and kind; I feel blessed to be surrounded by people who care. Baby, you will get lots of cuddles!

Week 23- growing like a champ! I feel you moving so much these days, and it just makes me the happiest mama on earth. Also this week- we are 98% set on your name! Aksel James πŸ’™ We love you baby boy. Dad always says goodnight and good morning to you. And today when he came home from work, he had Latino music going, and you started dancing around :)

Week 24- we got your first gifts in the mail! Two sweet books from dear friends the McEntires. We read the little red barn to you in bed last night, and you started moving around-I think you liked it :)

Week 25-was in Utah to see family! All your aunts, uncles, cousins and grandma introduced themselves to you, and we both had a grand time playing with everyone, and attending Eliza’s wedding. I barely fit into my bridesmaids dress haha. You are growing like a champ, and I love you.

Week 26- a guy got up from his seat on the bus for the first time. I didn’t ask and I was fine, but it was sweet, and showed me that I must really look pregnant haha.
Sometimes you move a ton baby! It’s so fun, and weird feeling haha. I also think I have sort of “practice contractions”. They don’t hurt at all, but my belly gets hard and tight.

Week 27- lots of people asking how I’m doing, and I can honestly answer I’m feeling pretty great! I am feeling more “aches and pains” generally, with some leg cramps, and sleeping has become a bit more interrupted, but overall I feel so blessed to be able to carry you my sweet boy. You are my constant companion right now, and I absolutely love feeling you move around. So does dad, but sometimes as soon as he puts his hand on my belly, you get really still haha. Maybe he is just so calming to you. You are going to love your papi. I’m sure you already do. He for sure loves you! He makes sure you are including in our family prayers, and always says goodnight to you.

Week 28–officially third trimester! What a milestone! Everything continues to go well at the doctors, and measuring on track. Though your papi thinks you’ll be born in September :) maybe!

Week 29- just about now Job has his first father’s day. It was a special day, and he is excited to meet you!

Week 30-I took you sailing sweet baby boy. I think you loved it; a true New England baby πŸ˜˜ we set a date for your baby party-all are invited (not just women), because we want everyone to celebrate with us! You are so special to us.

Week 31- the swelling in my feet has not been as severe, yay! Still there, but I’m able to manage it better. Job’s awesome foot massages help ;) people around me keep telling me how good I look, but I’m guessing that might be to make me feel good, as I know I look a little worse for wear at this point ;) Good friends who have had babies recently have shared very positive birth stories, which make me excited. Job and I had you listen to some opera, and you loved it! He got to really feel you move again, and that made him so happy.
We also found your pediatrician Dr. Gall. We met with him for an interview, and really liked him, and the practice. We feel he’ll take good care of you, little one.


Week 33- happy Fourth of July! We hit 33 weeks today :) I had fun doing events around the city in the morning, then Job and I went with friends for the ever iconic lobster sandwich and ice cream :) we decided to stay home for the evening, and didn’t go out to fireworks. Worried it might be too much for us, and too late. But we will take you next year! We can’t wait to show you all around the city we love. Health wise we are still doing really well! Feeling good, getting around, enjoying life together.

We had your welcome party/shower on July 6th. It was such a fun day! Papi made a bunch of amazing Mexican food for a big group of our friends, and other friends brought delicious sides to share, and a cake that was horchata and churros-delicious! It was a busy day, and so much fun. We have an awesome support group here, and they really have helped us feel loved. They also outfitted you with lots of lovely things you will need to start your life.


To Be Continued... With birth Story!!

Monday, September 9, 2019

Job birthday interviews 2017, 2018

As Job’s birthday is in a few days, I figured I’d better post these interviews from the past two years. At least I wrote them down ;)

Birthday interviews
Age: 33
What are you doing in life: playing concerts, teaching and getting more students, and for the first one playing early music professionally.
What are your goals for this year?-go to temple, financially stable/comfortable (enough to take a trip to Spain on any moment's notice), laugh more
Kids: 0
Kids by 34: 1 on the way
Calling in church: none now, but goal to be 100% good full time home teacher
Favorite piece to play right now: 3 pieces for piano and violin, revueltas
What do you want for your next birthday? go on a trip to Portugal 
Where will you be living next year? Boston 
What car do you drive? Chevy Aveo
What is your favorite movie or tv show? Fresh prince of bell aire
What makes you happy? Solving problems 
How do you feel about turning 33? I feel like I'm 11. For the first time I feel like a kid :) 
Advice to your 34 year old self: be patient
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2018:

Age: 34
Life:working teaching at Cambridge public schools, performing with la Dona musicale, rumba roco, Unitas, Harvard Baroque. Started autistic music program for Cambridge.
What your goals for this year: get more established in current opportunities (see above). Good reviews on cds and concerts.
Kids: 0
Kids by 35: 1
Calling in church; YM 1st counselor
Favorite piece to play: Bach a major cembalo and violΓ­n sonata.
What want for next birthday? French laundry (went to Mexico instead of Portugal for this year’s birthday)
Where are you living?: Cambridge 
Car: Aveo
Fave tv show: the middle
What makes you happy: you (Rachael)
How do you feel about turning 34?: I still feel 16.
Advice to your 35 year old self: slow down, life goes too fast. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Year in Review 2018

2018- I started The Balance Project with my sister, enjoyed time in Utah, traveled, moved back to Boston, reconnected with old friends, and made some new friends, got a new job, got my old Job, and made it through the year. Most of this is what I did the first 1/2 of the year, since we lived apart. I do know that Job was working like a mad man, performing, teaching, doing projects, writing grant proposals, etc. He had a busy, and very successful year career-wise. And it's only going up! I'm so proud of him.

*Those who just want photos-All over on instragram ;) too lazy to move a bunch over here ;) handles-- rachaelyoungsalazar, thebalanceproject2019, and jobsalazarfonseca. 

January- New Years in Seattle with Job's familia. Snowy hikes in Utah. Time with co-worker friends, time with sister friends. The balance project commenced, with yoga and meditation as our first theme. Visited Job in Boston. Started another round of Whole 30.

February- Ice castles. Gymnastics, dinosaurs, soap making, and other fun with nieces and nephews.  Valentine's Day with the most beautiful raspberry tart from Gourmandise. Super fun Bryce Canyon and Zion National Park trip with Job. Minimalism month. Threw a superbowl party. Bike Riding.

March-Had an Oscars party. Had Pi(e) day at work. Cross country skiing at Sundance. Went to the Opera. Cooked a Thai feast from scratch with Job. Had Job's family visit for LDS conference. Live like a French woman month, and all the walks that came with it. Supported SLC stars basketball team. Job got his braces off. Cheese and chocolate festival. Partied in up in color at the festival of Colors with Kristin. Dinners and general fun with family. Pedicures with sisters (my first one!). Picnics and Easter fun with family. Threw a chocolate tasting party.

April-Went to a Utah Royals game. Had a Spring dinner party. Dinner with work friends (many times ;). Went to the Ballet. Visited Job in Boston. Donated my body to science. Draper temple open house. Fun month of trying new healthy ways of eating. Enjoyed the cherry blossoms at the Utah State Capitol. Saw Sister and Bro-in-law perform in Sister Act. Started selling a lot of furniture and items in preparation for my move.

May-Celebrated 2 sisters graduating. Took family around SLC to be "tourists". OncLive. Memorial Day-always thinking of dad. Awesome trip to Jackson Hole.  Went Camping up American Fork Canyon. Read a bunch of books. Went to Sara's softball games. Went to the Tulip Festival. Facetimed Job a lot. Tried to soak up time with friends. Top golf (I was there for the food). Had several Goodbye parties with friends, co-workers.

June-Said Goodbye to Huntsman. Niece was baptized. Had a wicked fancy Barbie party with sisters.  Camping and hiking trip to Capitol Reef with mom. Sister movie nights. Family picnic. Last pedicure with sisters and mom. Goodbye party with family. Drove across the country with mom, stopped to see wonderful friends in CO, and family in MO. Saw one of mom's childhood homes in IL. Stopped to see Niagra Falls. Reunited with Job!! Hung out with mom in Boston for a few days. Job threw me the sweetest birthday party and got together a bunch of friends from the area. Did some of my favorite Boston things, to celebrate being back.

July-Amazing trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. DIY for our little home, and worked to get it all set up and pretty. Reunited with Walden pond. Dates with Job. Grilling for 4th of July. Hosted Gourmet night in our backyard.

August-Paid to join a gym for the first time in my life. Started a Young Professionals group in my area. Started a new job at Dana Farber Cancer Institute. Went to Maine with new friends. Plum Island loving. Farmers market fun. We discovered some fun new restaurants. Threw an outdoor lunch party. Women's summit started in our community.

September- Started to attend Harvard Science of Cooking lectures. Learned more about skin care and had silky soft skin for at least a month ;). Took a hike. Clam bake.

October-Got to fulfill a lifelong dream of cranberry farming. Escaped to a favorite Bed and Breakfast in Maine with my love. Eliza came to visit Boston and I was so happy to see a sister. Had a long Autumn bucket list and crushed it. Walks around Mt. Auburn cemetery, and the city with old friends.

November-Celebrated Day of the Dead with events and our ofrenda. Went bowling for the first time in years. Had a good showing at Gourmet night. Joey Graduated. Hosted our first Thanksgiving party (and the turkey turned out delicious). Job released a cd he co-produced. Evenings by the fireplace started.

December -Made a wreath. Shopped local at SoWa. Gourmet night said goodbye to Emerald :( and was interviewed and photographed by Scout Magazine. Had 12 Dates of Christmas (service projects, delicious dinners at new restaurants, baking together, Advent sing, Candlight carols, Tree lighting, etc). Celebrated 9 years of marriage. Brisk walk around Beacon Hill with Julie. Reunited with Greg and Judy. Kept Christmas super calm and bright. Christmas dinner with sweet friends. Made tamales.